A new turn

I don't think i am chasing dreams, or illusions. What is it that introduces an element of irrationality in human thought? Dreams are not real enuf, and illusions are madman's playground.. So how do you define illogical behavior, is there any freakonomics or game theory to explain this? or is the bigger picture not so illogical and there is clear pattern visible from a vantage point?? Even so its only the puppet master who gets the view of the macrolevel and the players at microlevel are pretty much looking for rationality in every step yet somehow by divine power they willingly do otherwise and wonder.. Now that i have quit a well-to-do job in singapore for the Army, i have started to wonder why? i've told everybody its always been my dream to be an army officer, but frankly i never once had dream of olive green nor of rifles and medals, nor of bravery and courage.. All i have is a kind of pull which i cannot explain, an urge to just sail with the wind.. I wish i could take one deep breath and make such a jump that for one nano fraction of a second i could reach the vantage position of my puppet master and get a glimpse of my story.. err!! i shd stop fantasizing, not my thing... All i'll do is "wait and watch and sail".